I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
