6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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