Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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