the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
