Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
