I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize