this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
