does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Is Oprah even human
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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