then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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