3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
