He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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