dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
My breath smells like gin and sadness
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
