Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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