I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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