nut hugger
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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