apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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