I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
