do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize