Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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