Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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