So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
