Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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