She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
