If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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