he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Dicks are not precious.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
