He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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