I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
