I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
