totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
