dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
