haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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