she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
