I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
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