This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize