so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
