We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Do you still have your period?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
