Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
