idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
