dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
someone owes me an orgasm
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
