I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
