Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize