youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
