I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize