My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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