and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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