He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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