I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
