how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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