i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
