final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize