i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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