hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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