At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
