I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
