I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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