maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
