I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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