I look better un-naked...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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