My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
