I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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