I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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