i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
