just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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