i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
