So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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