There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
