Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
