Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
